Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dearest Daughter...

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to say to you today and I just don´t seem to find the right words to describe the joy and happiness I have felt this past year, your first year!

I always wanted to have a daughter. When I found out you were a girl I was ecstatic about it. I carried you in my belly everywhere, you were my passenger!... I talked to you about what we were doing, or where we were going, I sang to you, I taught you how to choose fruits and veggies and then how to cook them; we went to church, to the bank, even traveling. Being pregnant with you was one of the most exciting and enjoyable experiences I have ever had.

While you were in my womb time just flew and right at 8 months I had an emergency, I was loosing a lot of blood and you were not doing OK inside my belly anymore so it was time to take you out. Everything was uncertain at that time and I will never forget how grateful I felt when I heard you cry. I just heard you, I couldn’t see you because you were not doing good and needed to be taken care of, so off to the NICU you went. Those were difficult days. We didn’t know what will happen, but you were a miracle, our miracle and since those days you taught us you were a champion. With much help, doctors, more doctors, respirators, ventilators, shots, and lots of love you kept getting better and better each day and after 2 weeks we were able to take you home.

Once at home, you slept in your crib since the first day. It seemed to big for such a little bundle of you and today you jump, pull up and play all around that same crib, and now it seems so little for that much energy!

I close my eyes and I just can not believe one year has gone by. A year in which far from teaching and helping you to discover the world, you have taught me to discover myself again and have reminded me that the best things are found in our everyday life together: in your smile, in making you laugh out loud, in amaze myself when I look at your expression when you are discovering something new.

Parenting you has certainly been a whole new chapter in my life and I am no expert, but I can assure you everything was, and still is, so worth it.

I have truly enjoyed being around you, full of you… Those sleepless first nights at home, those days of letting you sleep in my chest, those days when I sang to you for hours, those feeding sessions, those minutes during your bath time, those last minutes at the office impatiently waiting to see you again at home.

Looking at you has become my most effective medicine. You make every pain to disappear and every trouble to go away.

Thank you for being here, for making me a mom, for changing my life, for melting my heart, for being soup to my soul, for flooding me in joy, for passing your laughter, for being who you are!

You are NOT the daughter I had always wanted, you are sooooo much, much, much more I had ever imagined you would be, and I love you sooooo much, much, much more than I can express!

Happy first birthday my little girl,….. and cheers to, hopefully, for God´s grace, many, many, many more birthdays to come and share together!

Friday, April 17, 2009

...A very special day!

....A very special day indeed!

Preparations are in full force in Heaven because a birthday party will start shortly. A beautiful baby girl, Molly Marie is celebrating her first birthday!

It is certainly a beautiful day, yet painful and bittersweet for her family here on earth.

Please join me in celebrating Molly´s life today, and have her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy birthday little Molly, you are extremely lucky to have such a wonderful family, you will be foreved missed and loved!!!...

Monday, April 6, 2009

We are back

We had a great time, enjoyed ourselves and celebrated by birthday!!!

It was a great get away and now, we are back to our daily routine. AF arrived this past weekend and I will be starting the last pack of B..C..P.. this coming Wednesday.

Farah asked me a while ago, how it felt to be trying again.... Well, we really have not started the fun part yet, but up to this point it has been very different from last time. The IF wound is there and it will never go away, but it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. I am not sad when I look at pregnant bellies or when I hear pregnancy announcements. I have found myself actually happy, hoping really hard to have that opportunity one more time, but then at the same time, being extremelly aware that it may not happen, and knowing that if that is the case, I will get through it.

Having our daughter, for me, has certainly make this a road a lot more pleasant. She keeps me grounded, grateful, hopeful.

Many doors will appear on our road in the months to come. I trust the one that opens will be the best one for us, so I am just going with the flow, just about to start knocking on doors to find out THE ONE.