Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Final call

2 more of the same boring monitoring appointments brought the final call

It is really impossible to predict if someday, somehow, my ovaries will work again, like they did 2 years ago. As they are and look right now it seems like never. They are looking, and I am feeling pretty much me.no.pau.sal but we never know, that is the beauty of P..O..F..

…It is like a box of chocolates: you really never know what you’re going to get!

My doctor started the talk about other options, family building wise, but I wanted the T to be present and he couldn’t make it yesterday, so we have scheduled another appointment next week to talk about it.

It is pretty much looking like the ending of this pursuit to have one more biological child, and the beginning of a new chapter exploring the options of what can be.

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."

I just needed to read this today, thank you Bella for sharing!.... Bella, is a fellow blogger with P..O..F.., and yesterday got GREAT news after her first do.nor eggs cycle!!!...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day 32 monitoring

I had one more monitoring appointment last Thursday and there was no change at all, my ovaries are totally inactive and there is no lining, therefore I am in CD 38 and haven´t had a period. If there is nothing to shed, there is no period!

My doctor had a family emergency out of town since last week, so this time the ultrasound was performed by another doctor, she is the youngest there, I guess she is probably on her early thirties. She talked to my doctor on the phone after the ultrasound and he wanted me to keep taking Fe.ma.ra until he comes back and calls me. I really don´t know how much longer he wants to keep going, but I don’t believe it will be that long….

…And now that the egg do.na.tion seems to be the next step I really don´t know if we should go that route or just start the adoption process. I loved being pregnant, and sometimes I want with all my heart to be pregnant again, even if the baby is not mine biologically, but then there is this thought that if we couldn´t make it happen with our own ga.me.tes there are lots of kids waiting to have loving adoptive parents and it just breaks my heart….

It breaks my heart to know it, and a selfish feeling gets to me.

Does it really is this difficult?

Monday, June 1, 2009


Today is the first day of June, and my fifth day on Fe.ma.ra. The first two days I had headaches and really don’t know if it was the medication or it was just coincidence. Thankfully, no other side effects so far. I still have hot flashes but that is due to being, well, menopausal, with high levels of F..S..H and low es.tro.gen…

From all the days while I tracked my cycles, when I was cycling on my own, I have come to know myself pretty well and I am able to recognize my fertility signs and at this point I don’t have any, which leads me to believe the Fe.ma.ra is not doing its magic.

It seems we will need another kind of magic…

..the kind of magic that comes when you let go, count your blessings, and don’t let the circumstances define who you really are!