Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day 32 monitoring

I had one more monitoring appointment last Thursday and there was no change at all, my ovaries are totally inactive and there is no lining, therefore I am in CD 38 and haven´t had a period. If there is nothing to shed, there is no period!

My doctor had a family emergency out of town since last week, so this time the ultrasound was performed by another doctor, she is the youngest there, I guess she is probably on her early thirties. She talked to my doctor on the phone after the ultrasound and he wanted me to keep taking until he comes back and calls me. I really don´t know how much longer he wants to keep going, but I don’t believe it will be that long….

…And now that the egg seems to be the next step I really don´t know if we should go that route or just start the adoption process. I loved being pregnant, and sometimes I want with all my heart to be pregnant again, even if the baby is not mine biologically, but then there is this thought that if we couldn´t make it happen with our own there are lots of kids waiting to have loving adoptive parents and it just breaks my heart….

It breaks my heart to know it, and a selfish feeling gets to me.

Does it really is this difficult?

1 comment:

Vintage Mommy said...

It's funny about that - feeling "guilty" that you want to be pregnant rather than adopt. I have one adopted daughter. I don't feel a lot of grief about never being pg, though at the time we gave up it was acute.

I still mourn the fact that we were unable to adopt again - technically we got tired of the wait.

I wish you the best!