Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Let's all welcome Baby Stellan!!!

I have been following Mck Mama's blog for a while now and I am trully amazed by her strong faith, her incredible great sense of humor, her positive thinking and outstanding attitude through everyday life.

She is just an amazing woman who is 9 months pregnant. She and her jusband learned a few months ago that her baby had a congenital heart condition and will surely die. That was the doctors oppinion but as we know, in this life the last word belongs to no the doctors but to our Father. There are no impossibles and He is the one who has and will have the last word.

Baby Stellan's birthday is tomorrow and I will appreciate if you could have him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. So please, if you are a believer say a prayer, if you don't just do a chicken dance, a positive thought or just smile thinking about them.

Every little effort will surely help tons!

If you are a believer and you think you don't know how to pray, don't worry and be sure that God can hear even the most silent prayer attempt!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Is it time for an update???...

….I guess it is!!!

We have been doing fine, our little girl is 5 months old and she is doing fine. Her 5 month-old doctor appointment went well. She is healthy, happy (at least it seems!), weighing 6.40 kg, measuring 62 cms.

I had heard that there is a set back on night feedings at 5 months and I believe she had it the last couple of weeks. She is not sleeping through the night yet. She had been doing just one midnight feeding between 3-4AM for a while but then she started waking up every 3 hours like a newborn!...At the beginning I thought of the set back I have heard and after a few days of the same thing I decided to change her day schedule to add one more feeding session during the day and so far it has been working. Still not sleeping through the night, but is back to her one midnight feeding... Oh well, let's see how it goes this coming week.

Then, the last week, I noticed I was having tons of what seems to be “f.e.r.t.i.l.e.” cer.vi.cal fluid for a few days and then more this week, so now I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, my ovaries are starting to wake up again -therefore I had a drop in my milk supply- and that is why my poor baby was hungrier during the night!....

I need to admit it, I am beyond excited to see if my body is really gearing up to start cycling again…. I know I sound crazy, but it really makes me happy, because I was preparing myself to the fact that I may never cycle again. I am grateful for what I have, and I keep praying to be able to see all the great things in my life and not let the sadness take over me if my cycles just never come back. Nothing is for sure now, I will need to wait and see what happens, but at least “something” is happening!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Sweet September!

This month, one year ago, I found out we were pregnant. I will never, EVER forget that day. It was September 11. I know…., I know it is a horrible day for a lot of people, considering the 9/11 tragedy. For us, it will ALWAYS be THE DAY.

The T was flying out of the country that same day. I remember he wondered a LOT about flying on that date and finally decided to book it. It turned out great because he was going, literally, to the other side of the world, 24+ hours total travel time and the flights were, as you can imagine, ALMOST EMPTY.

I woke up thinking that, finally, after having been cycling again on my own, my ovaries had decided to go on strike one more time and that would be confirming the pre.ma.tu.re ova.rian fai.lu.re dx. I tested because the doctor wouldn’t give any meds to medically induce my pe.riod without discarding pregnancy. Can you imagine the crocodile tears flowing through my face as I saw 2 lines?

Yes, 2 very dark lines, right there

No squint needed

I couldn’t believe it!!!…

And I can’t believe one year has gone by already!!!… I miss my belly, a LOT!

On the nursing front, I’ve been having a hard time lately. With plugged ducts. Oh my, all was going great until about 2 weeks ago that I started to have plugged ducts and now it seems it has become a recurrent problem!!!… I get one every other day and to be honest, I am starting to get desperate. It is really uncomfortable and time consuming to be unplugging ducts so often! Please feel free to share any magic tricks or suggestions.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Miracles DO happen...

… Yes, they do!

Today I am overwhelmed with joy and glory knowing what a great day it is for Trish, David and little munchkin Robbie!

After a long and painful battle with IF, Trish got pregnant from a clo.mid / I..U..I.. cycle back in December. The unimaginable, unthinkable happen and she got to see two beautiful pink lines in a cycle with only 4.5 million swimmers!…. Then things started to get tough as she developed Pre-Eclampsia and her extremely handsome, cute, adorable little boy was born the very last day of May.

Well, today September 4, after three long months in the NICU, Robbie is graduating from the hospital and tomorrow will sleep in his new home with St. Louis' proudest parents, on the very same day he was initially supposed to born, - his due date!

I am in tears, looking at the pictures Trish posted. It is like I am “living” again May 5th of this year, when our little princess came home.

Trish, I am extremely happy for all three of you…. And I guess, I don’t need to say it but be prepared because your story is just beginning, and the very best is yet to come as every day goes by!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

...Finally, an update

This blog is becoming sooooo boring, you don't need to tell me, I know!!!…

I am not being able to update as often as I would like because the days just fly, and between one thing and another I just don’t seem to find time to write.

But everything is doing fine so far!

I am very happy with my new work schedule, which is allowing me to be at home during afternoons. And also extremely happy because I hadn’t mentioned it before but we opened a new store 3 weeks ago, and it has been selling pretty good… Then we are remodeling a house because we are going to rent it and even though the major work had been already done, there were still a lot of details to finish… So, as you can imagine, between my job, the new store, the remodeling stuff, my daughter and my house I have been pretty busy,… But extremely happy!!!…

Our daughter had her 4-month doctor appointment and everything is fine. She weights 5.70 kg and measures 59 cm. Every day she is more fun because she is at this stage where she is discovering everything. We are really enjoying her.

On the nursing front, she has had a few days when she skips the midnight feeding but not too many. The doctor said she is now totally fine going through the night without that feeding and encourage me to try to wean her from it because otherwise it will become a habit and it will be very difficult to wean her latter. I had tried the last couple of nights but I’ve had no success whatsoever!!!…. I mean if the little girl is really hungry, there is nothing else I can do to calm her…. I could let her cry for a while and I guess she would fall back sleep but I am not able to do so, it is cruel!!!!…. I think she is now digesting my milk faster and that is the problem, so maybe if I give her the last feeding through a bottle a add a little cereal it will solve the problem, but I am not sure. I am just going to try to nurse her one more time before I go to bed at 11PM (even if she is sleeping) to see if this helps and if not I think am going to try the cereal….

Have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

...I have a confession to make

...Yes, I have a confession to make….

Every time I see a pregnant belly a huge smile is instantly draw on my face. I remember how I really enjoyed being pregnant, how much I loved it and it makes me want to be pregnant again NOW!!!…. And a lot of mixed feelings start to set in.

I feel happy and grateful for the opportunity I had, to experience pregnancy, and now motherhood.

But then, the curiosity takes over…

Curiosity about what is waiting for me in the future on the pregnancy-parenting front....

Curiosity about how my cycles are going to be, and, actually, if I will ever have a period again, in the first place!...

I am enjoying so much being a mother that I really would like to have more children and give our daughter a sibling, but the reality is that I don’t know how things are going to turn out. I am pretty conscious there is a chance our daughter will be our only child, and it always makes me remember THIS post I read from Sommer a while ago, about primary and secondary IF, and I understand clearly what she meant. I’ve never think that one is harder than another -I believe IF is IF and the pain is the same even if you are longing for your tenth child- but when I read that post I was child free and now I have a daughter. My feelings and thoughts about primary and secondary IF haven’t changed, but now I understand and get much more her feelings and comments about secondary IF.

…Then a little bit of sadness takes its place in my heart, realizing that pregnancy may be something I never get to experience again.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not trying to run without learning to walk first. I am enjoying our daughter a lot and I feel very fortunate to be able to live this experience and I trust there is already a plan for us -no matter what my feelings and thoughts are- and I trust that plan is the BEST for us and that is what I always end up thinking every time all this stuff is going through my mind - and it has been being a lot in my mind lately

The reality is that never is 100% sure in this life, I don’t know what’s in store for me tomorrow, so for now I just pray and hope to be able to find peace and strength whatever the final outcome will be.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The reality is setting in - and it is not bad at all!

This has been my second week back to work. And I am so, so happy to report that everything seems to be going great.

R is staying at home with her nanny during the mornings while I am at work and she is doing fine so far. I am pumping once at work and save it for the next day when R gets her middle morning feed, and I continue to nurse her the rest of the day. My day looks something like this:

4.00 AM Nurse R her first feeding of the day, get her back to sleep
7.00 AM Nurse R, then she stays up playing
7.30 AM Get ready for work
8.30 – 2.00 PM Work at the office (one pumping session at around 11)
2.00 PM Go back home, eat lunch
3.00 PM Nurse R
3.30 PM – 6.30PM Work from home
6.30 PM Nurse R
7.00 PM Playtime – I sing to her, dance with her, we go for a walk, etc….
7.30 PM Grocery shopping, dry cleaning, etc – I take R with me most of the times
8.30 PM R bath time
9.00 PM Nurse R
9.30 PM R goes to sleep

It is not bad at all. Really. And I am very fortunate to have this kind of flexibility at work. Plus, I have find R very happy every day when I come back home. She is either playing or taking a nap.

I must confess – I still have this guilt feeling about leaving her – and it is not going away. I guess is normal and I don’t think I am being a bad mother, I just feel guilty, but then realize there is no guilt if she is doing fine, it is not like she is being all miserable when I am away and that is what keeps me going every day, trying to find a nice balance between work and parenting!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Back to reality...

As of today I am back to work….

Honestly, I didn’t know what to do…. My first thoughts were that if we could afford it, I should stay at home, but then there is this other side of me telling that there is nothing wrong to keep working, at least part time to keep “connected” some how with the work environment…

My father died when I was four and my mom was a SAHM up until he died. It was very difficult for her to get a job so she could provide for my brother and me. There was always food on our table, and clothes to wear, but things were difficult, on the economic part. I believe it has had an impact on me and, there is always this memory coming back and that is why I want to keep working. I guess it gives me some kind of “security” to know that I am able to earn my own salary and provide for our daughter if I need to.

…It was difficult to leave her in the morning, I hope it will get easier.
Let’s see how this works out!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dr. Appointment - 3 months

We were supposed to go to our daughter's 3 month Dr. Appointment next week, on the 23rd, but they called last Tuesday to reschedule it to yesterday, so yesterday we went!

This time, she didn't get any immunization shots, which I am sure she was happy about!!!... She did get weighed and measured. One week shy of being 3 months old she weights 5.100 kg (11lb 4oz) and measures 57.5cm (22.637 in).

She had an electrocardiogram performed. It seems normal practice, at this dorctor's office, to have it done at 3 months to rule out any congenital issues. I hope the results come back OK.

I believe I hadn't mentioned before, but she had a blocked tear duct and the doctor prescribed some drops to apply 3 times a day before giving massage to the area. I had been doing the massages since I noticed about the tear duct but didn't see any change, but the drops did help - no more blocked tear duct!

On a different subject, I was a little bit concerned because she had been having about 5 bowel movements per day and 2 weeks ago they decreased to one every 48 hrs or so. The doctor said it was OK - She is just having breastmilk, no formula as I my milk supply has been enough to satisfy her needs up until now, so there haven't been any change on the feeding side that could have made a difference.... If any of my experienced moms out there have any comments about this issue I will really appreciate them.

Overall, we are both doing fine, she is just my "everything" and melts my heart everyday. She is starting to discover that her arms and hands are actually hers, so it is funny to look at her crossed eyes staring at her fists.... I love her!

Have a great weekened!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

...The decision making process

I still have about two more weeks of maternity leave….
…and I am happy about it!!!….

I have been thinking a lot about what to do once it is over. The first option is to go back to work full time….Before IF and all what happened, I believe I would have do it without question. Then, there is always the possibility of not returning to work at all and become a stay at home mom. I could find something else to do on my own, without schedules to comply with, and I believe we could afford it,… but an extra income is always welcome, you know…. and even more when we have a school loan to pay back, in USD,….. and well, I am fortunate enough to earn my salary in USD actually, without leaving in the US…. That is a huge relief, because if there is any major change in the exchange rate it wouldn’t affect us and/or increase our debt.

….Buuuuut, to keep having that “relief” I must continue working, I assume so!… I have a great relationship with both of my bosses but not to the extent of getting paid without doing nothing!!

….And there is plan C also, which would be working part time. Going to the office during the mornings and stay at home during the afternoons.

I went to talk to my boss about it last week and he is practically OK with whatever we decide to do. It is greally great to know that he is so supportive and that there are other options open besides the full time one…

Ohhhh well, I guess we have to decide soon!!!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A new life - A new person...

I had an endocrinologist’s appointment about two weeks ago, to check up my thyroid levels. I was in the waiting room and a few minutes later the doctor came out of her office and came into the waiting room and as soon as she saw me, she goes like:

“ ….So your girl and you are the miracles of the 23rd?”… Come in; let’s see how are you doing…

Once in her office she told me she was shocked when she knew about my emergency (because it had been a great pregnancy with no issues or complications AT ALL) but even more in shock to knew that our daughter is, first of all, alive, and that she recovered the way she did. She told me that it was truly a miracle considering my placental abruption’s high grade and therefore all the lost blood.

….Then the first time we saw the pediatrician in his office he also told us to consider ourselves very fortunate because it really wasn’t common to have the outcome we had, considering the circumstances….

WOW, it really gives me chills everytime I think about it and I really have no words to express how grateful I feel.

When I was first diagnosed I had my first meeting with IF world and I was changed,

….then we got pregnant on our own, surprisingly, and my life took a new path….

….then, after 8 months of an incredible pregnancy I had an extreme emergency and survived, with the best possible outcome….. That, that gave me a new life and made me a new person ....

… A woman with the most beautiful scar on her tummy, to always remember the presence of God in her life.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

A half-fixed computer and the update...

I've got my computer back... it isn't totally fixed, it seems it is more expensive to fix it than to buy a new one, so I believe I will be asking for a replace. Hopefully this one won't crash again before getting the new one...

OK, on to better things,.... the update.... and some pics!

On Friday May 23rd our daughter had her 1st month check-up with her doctor and I am extremely happy to report that she is doing great. They gave us the blood work results of a test they perform to look for over 60 congenital illnesses and everything was normal. I was curious to see how her thyroid results were, considering I have hypothyroidism, but hers seem normal, at least up until now.

Then, last Monday June 23rd, she had her 2nd month check-up, and everything looked fine so far. She is gaining cheeks, - perdon, weight so it seems that my milk is doing what it is supposed to.

It amazes me how fast she is growing!!!… I believe she doesn’t look like a newborn anymore. It is really incredible how much she changes every day. These are her weights and heights:

Apr 23rd : Birthday - 2.820 kg (6lb 3oz) - 48cm (18.9in)
May 9th : 16 days - 3.100 kg (6lb 13 oz) - 50cm (19.7in)
May 23rd : 1 month - 3.550 kg (7lb 13 oz) - 51.5cm (20.28in)
June 23rd : 2 months - 4.515 kg (9lb 15 oz) - 53cm (20.86in)

On the feeding side, this week she is starting to sleep through the night, or at least she has done so for the last couple of nights. She is starting to smile sometimes when we talk to her..... My heart melts and I can't wait to see her interact more..... the fun is just starting and the best is yet to come!

I finally found the cable to download the pictures, here are a few of them. They will not be here forever, I will remove them later but for now....ENJOY!

One day old, this was the day I got to see her for the first time. She was placed under the CPAP respirator....

Three days old, got intubated and was placed placed under the ventilator that also helped to give her shots to help her lungs mature...

YAYYYY..... ventilator free!!!....

One of the lasts days in the NICU. She was using an open bassinet and was already nursing, almost ready to come home!...

5 weeks old and cross-eyed!

I can't wait to catch up with your blogs, I have missed so much!!!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Still alive....

Yes, I am still alive....
.....with a crashed computer!!!....

That's why I haven't been updating and I haven't had a chance to follow your blogs this past 2 weeks. Hopefully I will have my computer back next week, for now I am using T-Boy's laptop but I don't get that much time because he uses it a lot for work, weekends included.....

Ok, for now I just wanted to report that we are doing fine, I am still on maternity leave enjoying every minute spent with our daughter who, as you can imagine, is growing very fast, working every day in doing an extra effort to make her cheeks bigger!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Dear Daughter

I close my eyes and I still have chills remembering your birthday. It has been a little over a month already and it seems like yesterday.

Time goes by so fast and we can’t stop it. I believe that is one of the most important lessons you will learn in life. I know each day is unique and won’t come back so I promise I will treasure every moment we get to spend together.

Now, I must tell you, I am certainly not a guru and I am sure there will be times when I will not have an answer to your questions, but you can be sure I will do my best so we can both learn.

I have been dreaming about you for a long time now. Yes, I thought and dreamed about you a lot, and actually I wasn’t sure if the time to hold you in my arms will come, but I kept dreaming, praying and hoping…. It was tough, and while I wanted so badly to have you, at the same time I knew that maybe it was something not meant to be for me. That is one more thing you will learn. In this world, there are times when we can’t have all we want, we can work hard but there are factors beyond human reasoning and understanding that also play their role and we must accept it. So I did, and I prayed just to have the strength to overcome whatever was planned and hoped for the best.

Hope has always my best companion and it all has finally paid off because suddenly, you have become part of my life. I don’t want to lead yours, or influence it with my own fears and expectations. I just want to be there with you, every time you need me, offering my hands and my heart, so you can learn to build your own path at your own pace!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The sign

I have always believed that things happen for a reason. Sometimes it is difficult to realize it as we have many why’s with no apparent answer…. We can’t, and most likely we will never find an answer but there is one…

On April 23rd, just after our daughter was born my OB/GYN was closing my incision and I heard him asked one of his assistants to call his office and tell the nurse to reschedule his afternoon’s appointments as he had a mass service to attend. As I heard him, I realized that day was the first month’s anniversary of his daughter trip to heaven and I felt bad…. It must have been a very difficult day, emotionally, for him and his family, and there he was, attending my emergency.

If you remember, I shared with you in one of my March’s posts that I felt heart broken for him and his family when I knew about the accident …. Off course I didn’t choose to have an emergency on the same day, one month later,… it wasn’t my fault, but I felt bad that it happened exactly on the same day.

The day after my c-section, when he came into our hospital room to see how I was doing and how my incision was healing, I took the chance to tell him again how we really appreciated his support and the way he handled things as we knew it must have been a very difficult day for him and his family.

He stared back at us with a smile…. Then he told us that he usually don’t pay attention to dates and that it doesn’t matter if it was the first month anniversary or not, he has obviously bad days and better days, no matter what, emotionally….. and while he doesn’t pay too much attention to dates, sometimes things happen to make him do so…

….Now, that he has a girl in heaven, he told us he has someone else to pray to besides God and that the day of my emergency he thought of her and he was amazed when the nurse said the time when our daughter was born, it was exactly the same time when her daughter went to heaven a month earlier…. Moreover, orange was the favorite color of her daughter and in the NICU our daughter got the orange room....

The more I think about it, the more I convince myself that it was a sign that she wanted to send to her family, to let them know that she is indeed leaving happily in heaven because her mission with us had been fulfilled and it was about time to start taking care of an even greater mission, way beyond human reasoning and understanding.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My life these days!

Since my emergency took us all by surprise and these days are really hectic at the office with 2 big projects, I am working from home. I spend my days trying to find a nice balance between taking care of our little girl, nursing and/or pumping and keeping up with what’s going on at the office. As you can imagine, it may take me a while to type the logs I have in paper about R’s daily progress while she was in the NICU, so for now I just want to let you know that she was released from the hospital on Monday May 5th 2008.

I just can’t find words to express how emotional that day were for us. We were extremely happy to be fortunate enough to be leaving the hospital with our little girl in our arms and there were a lot of tears shed as we left the NICU. The T and I cried, laughed and we hugged each other for a while. I can't really explain how many things went through my mind in that moment, it was a very special experience...

It surely was the most emotional day of our lives...

The dream we had hope for so long, and once thought almost impossible, was fulfilled…

….it was reality!

Today it’s been 4 weeks since she was born and we are doing great. She is really a little angel and I believe we are both learning together. She is not cranky at all, usually when she cries is because either she’s hungry, wet or want to pass some gas that is disturbing her. I am really enjoying every minute we spent together…… I could be staring at her eyes forever… it is an amazing feeling!

On the feeding side, I am breastfeeding her and so far, so good. While she was at the NICU I pumped and once the doctors let me I started to nurse her while still at the hospital and I have continued at home. I believe my milk supply is OK and I hope to keep breastfeeding at least for the first 6 months.

On a different note, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight since the first week after delivery and I am NOT proud of it because I am on the skinny side and I was hoping to keep a few extra pounds!!!… I am very concerned actually because I really want to be healthy so I have already started getting daily supplements. I haven’t gained any extra pounds but at least I am not loosing more. I have an appointment with my OB/GYN next week and one more with my endocrinologist the week after. Let’s see what they think about it. For now I am doing my best to eat well and healthy, and I will stay on the supplements.

I’ve been trying to download the pictures from my camera so I can share a few but I haven’t been successful…. But I promise I will post a few as soon as I am able to do so.

I hope you all have a great week and thank you, thank you again for being here!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

My first blogging award!

I must admit I do not consider myself a great blogger!!!….

I just get too busy with my day to day life that sometimes is hard to find the time to come, write and share my feelings. And I know I am wrong because it really helps me a lot because through blogging I have been able to feel relieved and grow-up as a person not only as I write but also as I read your stories .... and I hope you can learn at least a “little” from what I write.

As Kathy, I met the blogging world through Sommer's. I haven’t had the honor to meet her in person but I found her blog shortly after I was first diagnosed with P..O..F.. At that time she was already pregnant with her twins and I remember how I felt inspired by her story. I enjoyed reading her updates, hoping to someday be in the same place she was, enjoying pregnancy after a long IF road….

Through Sommer’s I found Kathy’s blog. As soon as I started to read her I felt a strong connection and as I read more, the more I learned from her. She is such a great woman and has a great attitude towards life that it is hard not to feel comforted with her feelings and thoughts!

Today, I feel honored because despite not considering myself a good blogging buddy, I received my first blogging award from Kathy.

Kathy, I want to thank you very much not only for being who you are and for being always here to support us, but also for letting me be part of your blogging world by reading and sharing yours.

Now, it is my time to pass on this award. It is hard because most of you have already been awarded ….. But this time and I am thrilled to give it to Tina!

Tina, is a fellow blogger that found me and has been following our story, always supporting us. She also has suffered from primary IF and is now happily pregnant with twins.

Well, last but not least thank you all for being here, thank you for taking the time to visit and leave your comments….. I really appreciate it and with every comment you can be sure you make my days go easy!

Friday, May 16, 2008

The Birth Story...

Thanks again for your comments and for keep coming even though I haven't been updating often. It is hard to find time these days but be sure that I will post every detail.... and I assume I must start with the whole birth story, so here it is....

Wednesday April 23rd, 2008
It was a beautiful sunny morning. I felt pretty good, just a little bit more tired and “heavy” than usual but nothing to be concerned about. I took a nice shower and my day started. There were 2 big projects on their crucial time at the office, so the days were just flying…
The morning went by fairly quick. It was lunchtime already and as I was trying to adjust the back of my chair when I felt a warm gush….

…and it wasn’t a little….

…It was a lot!

I was wearing navy blue pants and my chair is black so I couldn’t see any color. At the beginning I thought that my water had broke. 3 of my coworkers were there and I told them as I sat down again to call my OB/GYN. I told to the nurse, his assistant and was instructed to go straight to the ER, my OB would be there to check things up. I call the T to let him know what was happening and he was going to pick me up at my office. I started to gather my things and as I stood up again the flow just started running by my legs and in a few seconds my sandals were soaked….

Soaked in bright red blood…. It wasn’t my water!

I sat down again and call my OB one more time, I told the nurse it wasn’t my water and she told me to go to the ER immediately. I called the T again and told him to meet me in the ER, I couldn’t wait for him to come and pick me up. One of the drivers at my office was driving me, so we didn’t take too much time. 2 of my coworkers came also. I was panicked but I knew that my baby girl was having a tough time with all the blood I was loosing and being stressed would just make things worst for her as she would feel it so I managed to stay calm.

Thank God there was no traffic jam!… My office is very close to the hospital, so the ride was actually fairly quick. As I arrived I told them what was happening and they rushed me to the L&D floor where they took off my clothes and wanted to put a pad to help with the flow. I laughed at the nurse and told her that it was useless, the flow was so intense that they will need several blankets to really help!…. By that time my OB arrived; he just saw the amount of blood in the bed and was shocked. He hold my hands, looked me straight in the eyes and told me it was just too much blood and that we had no time to start checking what was causing it…. Our little girl needed to be out as soon as possible and that meant an emergency c-section. My only words were I trust you – I am fine, I feel fine, please take care of my little girl. As soon as I finished that sentence everybody started running and in no time I was already on my way to the operating room.

In the OR they started to prep me and when they were just about to start to give the anaesthesia I told my OB to please send someone to look for the T (as I hadn’t seen him) and explain to him what was happening… He told me not to worry, he had already spoke to the T and he was just outside the OR and that because it was an emergency operation he couldn’t come in but he will be waiting outside. I felt relieved and told them that I was ready and they started.
It took just a few minutes to start to feel the effects of the local anaesthesia. My legs felt very heavy and warm as I was listening to what the doctors were saying and I felt there was a lot of tension in the room.

A few minutes later, at 2.10 PM, our daughter R was born and the only thing I was asking and praying for at that time was to hear her cry and I did. It was the most wonderful sound I had never heard. I was pretty conscious that it didn’t mean everything was going to turned out OK, but at least it was a “little” light in the tunnel!

I didn’t get to see her right after she was born. The doctors worked with her right since her first minute and rushed her to the NICU to evaluate her and also to give her a blood transfusion because she was having a crisis due to the lost blood. It turned out the bleeding was caused by a partial placental abruption (about 30%) and therefore our daughter suffered from the lack of flow and oxygen, besides the respiratory problems due to her immature lungs.

At that point, I knew we were a step forward on what I hoped and prayed to be our way o recovery!

PS. I will write my log about R progress in the NICU in a separate post.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

On our way to recovery...

First of all, thank you so much for your comments and support, it really means a lot to us.

I am extremely happy to report that we are recovering and everything seems to be going on the right track.

I am having an extremely fast recovery from my c-section. A lot of people had told me they are impressed at how well I am doing.... Well, I believe having my little girl in the NICU has given me the strength and the energy to speed up my recovery process because I know she needs me.

R is doing great also. When she was born she was placed under respiratory treatment to help her breathe. It has been a process with a lot of different kinds of ventilators, from the more sofisticated that did the whole job for her, and also supplied steroids to accelerate her lungs development, to the simpler ones. Thankfuly since yesterday she is breathing on her own and so far she has been doing great.

She had already started getting my milk through a feeding tube that goes directly into her stomach and it seems that she is tolerating it really well. They started her on 3 ml, then 6 ml, then 9 ml and today she had 30 ml each fed. For tomorrow the plan is to increase it to 50 ml.

On the weight side, she lost 200 gr but she is now gaining again. Today her weight was 2680 gr.

I promise to post a few pictures soon.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Headline News

I have been MIA for a while now.... Well I am not a daily poster but this time I have news....


Our baby daughter R, was born last Wednesday Apr 23th at 2.10pm, through an emergency c-section, at 35 weeks and 4 days gestational age.

Like the doctors anticipated, she is a big girl, she weighed 2.820kg (6lb 3 oz) and measured 47cm (18.5in).

It was a really BIG BIG BIG SCARE, there was no warning at all, I just started bleeding like an open faucet, everything happened just too fast and thankfully we and the doctors were able to respond quickly.

It's 3AM and I don't have too much time to go into details but I will post the whole birth story as soon as I can.

For now, I am recovering extremely fast and R is in the NICU getting the treatment needed to help her lungs mature. She is my little fighter and has been doing an outstanding job!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

SPECIAL REQUEST - Love a friend

Today is going to be a hard and difficult day for Kathy and her family. I continue to be amazed by their courage and strength, she and her family are truly outstanding people.

Please have them in your thoughts and prayers and if you feel up to it, leave a support message on Kathy's Blog. I am sure it will help her feel how loved and cared about they are during this difficult days.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hug a friend

My heart breaks for Kathy, little princess Molly Marie and their family as they are going through a very difficult moment in their lives.

Please have them in your thoughts and prayers. May God grants them serenity, strength and hope.

A huge hug for each of you Kathy.

Friday, April 4, 2008

50 days to go

Thank you for your comments to my last post. I know I should enjoy “my moment” and that is what I try to do every day.... but it doesn't keep me from feeling sad when I realize there are a lot of you who are suffering and going through difficult times.

On an update note, I had a follow up appointment today.
Considering the situation I truly believed that I would not se my OB/GYN this time, I was sure that he would have found someone to take over for a few weeks….

Well, I was wrong!

I was surprised to found out that he was indeed there, and he was the one who reviewed me today.
I really admire him...
We went through a few questions I had about cord blood banking and other stuff and then he performed an u/s. Everything seems to be right on track, I am 32 weeks and 6 days today, I have gained about 8 kg (18 lb) and our little girl is measuring about 10 days ahead. Her estimated weigh was about 2.28 kg (5 lb) but the doctor didn’t change my due date. He said that definitely she is a little above the average but that in development she was right on track and that is why he wasn’t adjusting my due date.

The nursery is almost done, we are just waiting to receive a few pieces of furniture and I hope we will get them next week. Once it is ready I will post a few pics.

Today, we are 50 days away from our due date, and without a doubt, the past 230 days have been the happiest days of my entire life!

Monday, March 31, 2008

The things that get through my mind these days...

I know I have been MIA lately, if you haven’t read the 2 posts from last Friday, go ahead and read them, those will give you a little recap.

Things haven been busy but we are all fine. I can’t really complain. These last few weeks have been sad. I am so touched by Kathy’s news and the news of the daughter of my OB/GYN. It really keeps me wondering about how “unfair” things are sometimes….

… And while I feel so happy that everything seems to be going OK with our little girl, and us, there are moments where I have mixed feelings about it and feel bad. I feel bad because I know about the struggles some of you have been experiencing and a lot of questions start to wonder around me, ….

Who I am to deserve this???…

….And then I really don’t feel like posting because I don’t want to hurt any of you going through difficult times.

I am a truly believer that when one door closes another one opens, I’ve been through difficult times also and that is what keeps me going when everything seems to be upside down.

I am sure that if God created shadows, it was because He wanted us to appreciate the beauty of light…. His desires most of the times can’t be understood, they just need to be accepted.

Friday, March 28, 2008

4d u/s

Hey, I am so happy that my format bar is back!!!... Somehow I had lost it and I hadn't been able to add links or pics because I am bad with the code thing!

Well, I will take advantage and post a few pics of the 4d u/s we had. They are 3d pictures and we got a video where you can see her move in 3d. Movement is supposed to be the fourth dimension.

It was done on March 3rd....
On that day our little girl was 28 weeks and 2 days...
Her heart rate was 152 bpm...
Her estimated weight was 1255 gr...

Here is a picture of the report:

Here are a few pics of her face:

And here is a pic from her torso viewed from the back, you can see her belly, a part of her left arm and cheek...

Our doctor was very happy with the definition we were able to get in this pictures. I don't have anything to compare them but I was very pleased with the results!

Still Here!

I’ve been MIA for a while....

Lot’s of things going on around this corner of the planet!

The city where I live is totally surrounded by mountains, so when we get hurricanes usually they do debilitate a lot because of the mountains and what we experience is just something like a thunderstorm. Well, last Tuesday several factors got together at the same time and we got what was rated like a category 3 hurricane winds. The city is not prepared for it and as you can imagine it was chaotic.

Thankfully our house didn’t have any damage, but 2 of the stores did have broken windows and damage on the front. Everything is getting fixed but it was really scary. The T was still out of town and he was very concerned about it because apparently we were on the news everywhere and by coincidence he did manage to see part of the damage in one of the stores in a picture posted online in one of our local newspapers. He called me, I was at home at that time with my MIL as my FIL instructed us to stay there and don’t go anywhere because the streets were not safe, there were flying objects all over.

Then, this past Sunday, Easter Sunday, my OB/GYN and his wife lost one of their daughters. She was a 12-year-old twin who had Down syndrome with congenital heart failure. She was a fighter and changed the life of many people touching hearts. May she RIP and gave strength to her family to keep on working for families experiencing Down syndrome closely, as they have been doing. Their job in this manner is really remarkable.

I did manage to keep an eye on you blogs and I must say that my heart is broken for Kathy Kand her family. Kathy, you are an outstanding woman, I really admire you!

Have a great weekend!

P.S. I've just realized that my format buttons are back!!!... I will try to post pics from the 4d u/s.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Happy Birthday Santiago!

Last night one of my closest friends gave birth to her 3rd. child, a beautiful boy whose name will be Santiago.

Her actual due date was March 27 and then as the pregnancy progressed the doctor changed the due date to March 21. I talked to her yesterday and she was as happy as can be, doing shopping with her mom. She told me that her doctor had told her on Monday that the baby was still way up and that most likely they will need to induce her labor because the baby was not showing any improvements in dropping.

Well, last night the T sent me a message to my cel, with a baby picture saying it was the baby of my friend ans that he has just gotten that pic from my friend's husband.

Off course I thought it was a joke. It couldn't be true as I had just talked to her a few hours ago, she was doing shopping and she had told me how were things going. Well, it was true and it really happened fast. I haven't been able to talk to her, but I spoke to her mom. As I understood, after shopping she started to feel a little unconfortable as she was having more contractions than usual.... and this time they were the real thing and labor was starting!... I don't know all the details yet, but even though her 2 previous deliveries had been vaginally and this baby was head down, it ended up being a c-section delivery. Both mommy and baby are doing fine!

Happy Birthday Santiago!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In my 3rd trimester already, how did it happen???

I just can't believe I am starting the third trimester, I feel happy yes, but besides happy I feel very grateful for each day that goes by.

I haven’t been able to have the format buttons back, and I know nothing about doing it with the codes!!!…. I hope I can get it fixed so I can post the pics and the video from the 4D ultrasound. The doctor was very pleased with everything and told us that we were lucky because usually it is very difficult to get that kind of definition. Actually we joked and we gave him permission to use the pics and the video for marketing purposes if he wanted.

The T is traveling again. He left last Saturday and won’t be back until the end of the month. He really didn’t want to go this time but it was a business trip and there was no way he could postpone it, so off he went. When he is packing we joke and I always ask where is my spot on the suitcase, well this time he told me to please don’t joke because he really was feeling bad about leaving.

This weekend was clean-up weekend!!!… We have a second bedroom in our house that we use a guest bedroom. It is fully furnished and has a walk-in closet. One side of the closet and the drawers of the bases of the 2 twin beds were full of stuff. So I went through it and separate what we are getting rid of and organize the rest. Now I need to do the same thing in a closet we have on the third floor to make some room and finally leave the guest bedroom clean because it will be the nursery. My M.I.L. is helping me to work on the “transformation” of the room. Let’s see how everything turns out!!…

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Posting troubles!

I am having trouble posting lately!!!...

I can post all the wording but I can't post pictures or insert links to other pages. Usually in my posting page was like a task bar on top with the icons to insert pages, add pictures, etc. but now it is gone!!!... I've been trying to figure how to have it back but I haven't been able to do so.

If you know how to do it please let me know!!!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Let the fun begin!!!

Our weekend was very fun and busy…. We finally started to do all the shopping for our girl!!!…

It really was an experience…. I had a list that a good friend had sent me, so we used it as a guide and marked what we really needed and left out those things that are more on the “extra stuff” side.

I love a store that you guys have in the US and they have also outlet stores, so we usually go to the outlet and sometimes we have found good affordable deals… The regular prices at their store are just too high IMHO!!!…. So this time was no exception, we went to the outlet and much to our surprise we found the crib, window treatments and the bedding 50% off the outlet price, so we are all set with that!

We also bought most of the “little things”, so sure got a lot of the shopping done. There is still more shopping to do but I believe this was a very good start. We are having trouble deciding on the stroller and the car seat, because I like the modern, more “sporty” models but they are very expensive and I am not sure it is worth it….

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Meet the girl!

I haven't posted any pictures of our baby girl yet and I've decided it is about time!

Here she is:

This is one of the pics we got from the last u/s...

It is a profile view, you will see the face on the left (forehead, nose, open mouth and chin) then the chest. Above the forehead you can see her curved left hand palm (the whiter spots are her fingers).

She was 26w and 2 days on that picture and weighed about 1.022 kg (2lbs and 4 oz)

As part of my genetic u/s package, the specialist gave us a free 4D u/s. We have scheduled the appointment during week 28, so I will sure post more pics after that. Hopefully our little girl will cooperate and we will have great pics.

Everything went OK at my follow-up appointment with the endocrinologist last Wednesday. My blood work results showed that my TSH is a little bit over suppressed, and I haven't had that on the previous results, but she wasn't concerned because my T3 and T4 hormone values where on the normal range for pregnancy. That means I will continue on the same dose of the meds and we will see how I am doing in 4 more weeks.

On a request note, please have
Kathy and her family on your toughts and prayers, as we all hope the meds help her and Molly to keep on going strong!

Enjoy the weekend!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I didn't have a chance to post last week, but I hope you all had a great Valentine's day!!!

The T attends a trade show mid February of every year, so we are never together to celebrate... But hey, this year I was fortunate enough to have my little girl with me, what else can I have asked for???



I had the 2nd part of the genetic u/s last Monday and it was great. The baby cooperated a lot and we had a lot of great views.

The most important thing is that everything seems to be going right on track. The baby weight and measured average or slightly above average on all the things they look into, which are a lot, so we are very happy about it.

So far, I have only gained about 10 pounds, which did seem below the low end to me. I was concerned about it but the dr. assured us that if I am eating well, the baby is growing and developing as she should, and my blood work shows everything is OK, there is no reason to be concerned about weight gain.

I have another follow-up appointment with the endocrinologist today to check up my thyroid levels. Hopefully the results will come back OK and I won’t need to increase the meds dose.

Last Monday at our appointment, when the doctor was performing the u/s, I asked him if the baby was still a girl…. He laughed at me and asked back if I didn’t believe him last time…. I replied that I did but I wanted to be sure to start doing all the shopping!!!… He was surprised that we haven’t started yet!!!… But yes, it is true and I know it sounds odd.

As strange as it may sound, I am not a shopping girl. I grew up in a very modest family and the income wasn’t extraordinary, actually it was on the low side. There was no excess at all. It was kind of hard when I was a kid, but then Thank God, as the time passed and I grew up I understood that true confidence building didn’t rely on what you have as much as on what you do and are as a person. Now things are way much better financially, both the T and I work very hard and are lucky enough to have great jobs with good salaries, but that hasn’t changed our mind regarding our expense style. We are savers and so far that life style has worked out great and it has given us the opportunity to invest, which is great.
Regarding the baby stuff, I know there are things we do need to get, but hey, being realistic the actual needs for the first few months aren’t that many. So we will get the basics, and as the time goes on we will see how it goes.

Have a great week!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

We are here!

I had my OB appointment last Thursday. Everything went really well and I am so happy about it!

We had time to go over the results of the genetic u/s and then the blood work. He was amazed at how well things look and how well I’ve been feeling. Actually I am also surprised that literally I’ve had NO SYMPTOMS whatsoever. I didn’t have m/s, no cramps, no sore breasts, no heartburn, no swelling, n.o.t.h.i.n.g. This is just heaven!
He laughed when I told him I could be p.r.e.g.g.o for the rest of my life!….

I feel very grateful for every day of this pregnancy. I am doing an extra effort to enjoy every single minute. I feel that is the way it should be and well, also because, it may be the one and only pregnancy I get to experience. IF has taught me that!!!….

When I first was diagnosed with P.O.F. I discovered a whole new world, the IF world, and my life changed forever…. Then when we saw the specialist for a second opinion, we really didn’t know how or why but I started to cycle again on my own. More tests were performed and the specialist opinion was that the diagnosis was wrong…. Everything looked normal, the results were OK…. But, there have been many, many cases of P.O.F. like mine. The cycles stop and start without any reason or warning, and in a lot of cases just never come back after a pregnancy.

That’s my reality….
That’s the reason I feel so grateful and every single day….
That’s why I am in love with my belly…

It is a gift and a dream, I thought I may never have, but miracles do happen and all I can do is ENJOY IT!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Big Milestone - 24 weeks

It’s been a week since we came back and I believe I am finally jet-lag free…. There was a 14-hour difference so it was bad for 4 days and then it started to get better each day. Last night I slept pretty good and I didn’t have any insomnia at all, so I hope it is over and I am beginning to be right on track again.

I went to the lab on Saturday to get all of the blood work done. The results are back and while they are not perfect, they seem OK to me. I have a follow up appointment with my OB this Thursday, so hopefully he will agree.

I have been very emotional for the past few weeks. I am fine, I feel fine, but then I read or hear something that touches my heart and tears just start to flow like a river…. I guess it is due to the cocktail of hormones flowing through my body.

We are 24 weeks already, twenty-four. This is a BIG milestone for us, we feel so grateful.
I can’t describe how madly in love we are with our little girl!

On a different note: This weekend was very sad. I have been following ME's blog for a while now and my eyes just couldn't believe as I read the news. She and her husband are going through very difficult times after a painful long struggle with primary IF. Please have them and their families in your thoughts and prayers.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Home sweet home

We are back…..
Back home and back to our day-to-day routine again!
We got home last night after almost 30 hours of total travel time in planes and airports. I am so glad we had the opportunity to do this trip.

We had a great time, we really enjoyed every minute and everything was great, I felt great during the whole trip and I am so glad because I was afraid that it was a little too much and I didn’t want to over do it.

Because of the extreme time changes I think I am going to be jet lagged for about a week, but anyway, it will pass sooner or later.

I have an order for a set of blood tests to be done this weekend, nothing out of the ordinary, just a general check up, the glucose test and my thyroid levels to see if everything looks good. Hopefully all will be OK, let’s see.

I can’t wait to catch up with all of your blogs!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Wow... I can hardly believe it!

Your Pregnancy Calendar
  • Today is Friday January 11th 2008
  • You conceived on Saturday September 1st 2007 and your due date is Saturday May 24th 2008.
  • 132 days have passed since the conception, and you are 134 days before your due date.
  • You are 20 weeks into your pregnancy, and you have 20 weeks to go.
  • You are in the 2nd trimester.
  • 50% of your pregnancy has passed, there is 50% left to go

It feels surreal.... just 4 more weeks to reach 24 weeks - viability milestone!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy new year!

This is going to be a quick post!!!

I haven’t been updating much because the end of last year and the beginning of this year haven been very busy, both at the stores and at my office… By the end of the year there were also lots of things that needed to be done to close the year and then I have been rushing this past 2 weeks because we are going on vacation!!!!…

Yes…. The trip is part of the Christmas present we got from the in laws. They invited us to go on vacation from this coming Saturday until the end of the month. We use to do a lot of family traveling and, well, since we are not going to be able to travel to far away once I am I the third trimester they decided to do the last long trip together before our little girl arrives.

I am still feeling pretty good, and I am really enjoying it. Besides the growing belly, and off course no AF, I have no other symptoms. I believe that being really busy all day has helped a lot. As I said to my doctors: There is no way I can allow myself to feel bad or get sick because I have lots of things to do everyday and therefore I am very active all day long…

There are more things that I want to share but I have no time now…. I promise to update when I get back.

Happy 2008!!... I hope you all have a great year!!