Saturday, August 30, 2008

...Finally, an update

This blog is becoming sooooo boring, you don't need to tell me, I know!!!…

I am not being able to update as often as I would like because the days just fly, and between one thing and another I just don’t seem to find time to write.

But everything is doing fine so far!

I am very happy with my new work schedule, which is allowing me to be at home during afternoons. And also extremely happy because I hadn’t mentioned it before but we opened a new store 3 weeks ago, and it has been selling pretty good… Then we are remodeling a house because we are going to rent it and even though the major work had been already done, there were still a lot of details to finish… So, as you can imagine, between my job, the new store, the remodeling stuff, my daughter and my house I have been pretty busy,… But extremely happy!!!…

Our daughter had her 4-month doctor appointment and everything is fine. She weights 5.70 kg and measures 59 cm. Every day she is more fun because she is at this stage where she is discovering everything. We are really enjoying her.

On the nursing front, she has had a few days when she skips the midnight feeding but not too many. The doctor said she is now totally fine going through the night without that feeding and encourage me to try to wean her from it because otherwise it will become a habit and it will be very difficult to wean her latter. I had tried the last couple of nights but I’ve had no success whatsoever!!!…. I mean if the little girl is really hungry, there is nothing else I can do to calm her…. I could let her cry for a while and I guess she would fall back sleep but I am not able to do so, it is cruel!!!!…. I think she is now digesting my milk faster and that is the problem, so maybe if I give her the last feeding through a bottle a add a little cereal it will solve the problem, but I am not sure. I am just going to try to nurse her one more time before I go to bed at 11PM (even if she is sleeping) to see if this helps and if not I think am going to try the cereal….

Have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

...I have a confession to make

...Yes, I have a confession to make….

Every time I see a pregnant belly a huge smile is instantly draw on my face. I remember how I really enjoyed being pregnant, how much I loved it and it makes me want to be pregnant again NOW!!!…. And a lot of mixed feelings start to set in.

I feel happy and grateful for the opportunity I had, to experience pregnancy, and now motherhood.

But then, the curiosity takes over…

Curiosity about what is waiting for me in the future on the pregnancy-parenting front....

Curiosity about how my cycles are going to be, and, actually, if I will ever have a period again, in the first place!...

I am enjoying so much being a mother that I really would like to have more children and give our daughter a sibling, but the reality is that I don’t know how things are going to turn out. I am pretty conscious there is a chance our daughter will be our only child, and it always makes me remember THIS post I read from Sommer a while ago, about primary and secondary IF, and I understand clearly what she meant. I’ve never think that one is harder than another -I believe IF is IF and the pain is the same even if you are longing for your tenth child- but when I read that post I was child free and now I have a daughter. My feelings and thoughts about primary and secondary IF haven’t changed, but now I understand and get much more her feelings and comments about secondary IF.

…Then a little bit of sadness takes its place in my heart, realizing that pregnancy may be something I never get to experience again.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not trying to run without learning to walk first. I am enjoying our daughter a lot and I feel very fortunate to be able to live this experience and I trust there is already a plan for us -no matter what my feelings and thoughts are- and I trust that plan is the BEST for us and that is what I always end up thinking every time all this stuff is going through my mind - and it has been being a lot in my mind lately

The reality is that never is 100% sure in this life, I don’t know what’s in store for me tomorrow, so for now I just pray and hope to be able to find peace and strength whatever the final outcome will be.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The reality is setting in - and it is not bad at all!

This has been my second week back to work. And I am so, so happy to report that everything seems to be going great.

R is staying at home with her nanny during the mornings while I am at work and she is doing fine so far. I am pumping once at work and save it for the next day when R gets her middle morning feed, and I continue to nurse her the rest of the day. My day looks something like this:

4.00 AM Nurse R her first feeding of the day, get her back to sleep
7.00 AM Nurse R, then she stays up playing
7.30 AM Get ready for work
8.30 – 2.00 PM Work at the office (one pumping session at around 11)
2.00 PM Go back home, eat lunch
3.00 PM Nurse R
3.30 PM – 6.30PM Work from home
6.30 PM Nurse R
7.00 PM Playtime – I sing to her, dance with her, we go for a walk, etc….
7.30 PM Grocery shopping, dry cleaning, etc – I take R with me most of the times
8.30 PM R bath time
9.00 PM Nurse R
9.30 PM R goes to sleep

It is not bad at all. Really. And I am very fortunate to have this kind of flexibility at work. Plus, I have find R very happy every day when I come back home. She is either playing or taking a nap.

I must confess – I still have this guilt feeling about leaving her – and it is not going away. I guess is normal and I don’t think I am being a bad mother, I just feel guilty, but then realize there is no guilt if she is doing fine, it is not like she is being all miserable when I am away and that is what keeps me going every day, trying to find a nice balance between work and parenting!