The plan....

Everything went well yesterday at our appointment. We had a very long talk, we were there for almost 2 hours. I am really pleased with our OB, we were really grateful that he spent that much time talking to us about the situation and answering our questions.

The conclusions were what we suspected and knew. My ovaries are showing a non responsive pattern for the second time and there is no way to find out if really this is it, or if, like the other time, after a “reset” and little help they will get active once again. The main thing is that, clearly, they are slowing down and time plays a huge role here. If we want a biological sibling for our daughter we can´t wait to start trying because as time goes by it becomes more and more difficult, considering the circumstances.

The plan for now is to do 3 cycles of B..C..P.. (I am already in cycle 1) and then a monitoring cycle, without stims, to see how are my ovaries responding after the 3-month reset period. If we are lucky enough to have ovarian activity, depending on how things are looking, will decide if we do an I..U..I.. or try on our own for that cycle. If there is little or no ovarian response we will discuss if a cycle with stims is a chance worth trying or not. We didn´t get into much detail about this other options, we will cross that bridge once we get there.

I have been very emotional these days. I just pray everyday to be strong, at peace and grafetful. Don’t get me wrong, I know this whole thing is not the end of the world, it is simply that in.fer.ti.li.ty hurt feeling that gets to me sometimes despite my hard efforts to push it away, because, I already have so much….. -REALLY -...but even though my brain understands it pretty well, my heart just shrinks every now and then.

....It is just the beginning

I just came back from vacation, much needed vacation!!!!.... We had a great time and were able to relax a lot and just enjoy ourselves.

We have an appointment with my OB this coming Wednesday afternoon. We will discuss the plan and some questions we have about it.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this entire situation, it is difficult. I want so much to give a sibling to our daughter but then I am scared, I am scared of the emotional toll to be paid if things don’t turn out or, turn out and then go wrong….. I feel that I have already gotten so much with our daughter that wanting more is being greedy, but on the other hand I am pretty sure that if I just don´t do anything I will regret later on and I will carry on my mind the “What if I have had tried….” question forever.

….and this is just the beginning, let´s pray each day brings new joy, happiness and renewed hope as the one I found today in Kathy's blog….

Dear Kathy, you are truly an inspiration. I can´t wait to hear more about this new chapter in your life. It will certainly be something to look forward in this coming 8 months!

New year, …new beginnings!

I have been gone for a long time. I was busy and for some reason I didn’t feel like posting, but I read all of your posts.

I have a lot of things to share. I believe this is going to be a long post. So please make yourself comfortable and here we go…

Our daughter just turned 9 months old. I really have no words to describe how much we are enjoying this parenting adventure. I never imagined it was going to be so much fun!
She is doing great, eating lots of solids and trying very hard to crawl. She has been on formula for some time now and the transition from beast milk to formula was really easy, she didn’t care at all.

The T is doing great!... He committed to loose weight 6 months ago and he is doing so well. On the other hand I am trying not to loose to much weight, actually trying to gain some.

I had a full check up last December and thankfully everything came back great. My thyroid is still a little under active, so I am taking my medication everyday and I felt pretty good until last week. I started having night sweats, and as I am tracking my cycles, I noticed no fertile cervical fluid at all and it just didn’t seem right. After I stopped lactating I was extremely happy to have my cycles back. I know this may seem odd to a lot of people, but I really was excited because I have had a very clear pattern of Pre.mat.ure O.va.rian Fai.lure before and back then I stopped cycling like that. My hormone levels were pretty much the ones a woman is supposed to have at me.no.pause. My ovaries were lazy enough to go on strike and it is really unpredictable if they were going to work again someday, or not. It seemed that my o.va.rian re.ser.ve was getting to its end and we had no kids…. And we wanted kids…. So this was not good….. at all!

….I went from one doctor to the next, and then to an endocrinologist and somehow, magically, after cutting back on exercise and incorporating extra supplements to my diet I started cycling again…and the cycles and my hormone levels totally reverted. They were as good as the ones of a healthy teenager. We and the doctors were happy, and even though it took several months, we took advantage of that great trend and got pregnant on our own. We all took a deep breath and the pregnancy was really uneventful until well, the very end when I had partial placental abruption and our daughter was born prematurely, in very difficult conditions. God decided she needed to stay a bit longer here on earth and she is still on “loan” with us, thankfully!

….Now, after 3 normal cycles post lactation, the night sweats and the lack of fer.tile cer.vi.cal flu.id made me suspect I had stopped cycling again and well, it was confirmed last Monday. My hormomes are once again in meno.pau.sal levels. I went to see my endocrinologist yesterday and she concurred, but considering I´ve just had 3 normal periods she believes I am not fu.lly me.no.pau.sal, but pe.ri. me.no.pau.sal. instead. We don´t know if this will be the end of my fer.ti.le stage of life, and the T and I really want to give a sibling to our daughter.

So, it seems we will be on one of those roller coaster rides in the months ahead. Yesterday, at my appointment with the endocrinologist, we called my OB, and they both concurred that, if we really want a biological sibling to our daughter, we can´t wait any longer. They suggest to go on a 3 month period of B..C..P.. and then an stimulation cycle with injections and most likely in.se.mi.na.tion.

The T didn´t have a chance to go with me to the appointment yesterday. We talked about all this at night and well, it is all happening too fast. It seems that we agreed to go ahead with this plan but we still have questions to discuss with our OB, hopefully the second week of next month. For now, I have started the B..C..P..

Oh my….. I can´t believe we are just about to embark on this journey, I hope and pray to have the strength to wake each day with a smile on my face, grateful for what I already have and finding peace with whatever the final outcome is!