Signs

Strange things happen those days when I am being emotional over every little thing....

When I least expect it I get across situations to learn from and to, once more, be grateful for being who I am, where I am and how I got here.... Lessons that one way, or another, let me know that I am being cared for, ....that I am not alone.

"Faith is about risk. Too many people want it to be without risk, and because it isn't, they choose not to believe. To have faith is to have courage. Faith means taking a risk that God is really there. There is a reward for that risk, eventually, and it's called KNOWING. Eventually, faith gives you evidence of the existence of a higher being. Without taking the risk, you can never get to the knowing, and you reinforce your disbelief. Risk is the currency of life, and in the same vein, it's the ticket to meeting God."

The plan....

Everything went well yesterday at our appointment. We had a very long talk, we were there for almost 2 hours. I am really pleased with our OB, we were really grateful that he spent that much time talking to us about the situation and answering our questions.

The conclusions were what we suspected and knew. My ovaries are showing a non responsive pattern for the second time and there is no way to find out if really this is it, or if, like the other time, after a “reset” and little help they will get active once again. The main thing is that, clearly, they are slowing down and time plays a huge role here. If we want a biological sibling for our daughter we can´t wait to start trying because as time goes by it becomes more and more difficult, considering the circumstances.

The plan for now is to do 3 cycles of B..C..P.. (I am already in cycle 1) and then a monitoring cycle, without stims, to see how are my ovaries responding after the 3-month reset period. If we are lucky enough to have ovarian activity, depending on how things are looking, will decide if we do an I..U..I.. or try on our own for that cycle. If there is little or no ovarian response we will discuss if a cycle with stims is a chance worth trying or not. We didn´t get into much detail about this other options, we will cross that bridge once we get there.

I have been very emotional these days. I just pray everyday to be strong, at peace and grafetful. Don’t get me wrong, I know this whole thing is not the end of the world, it is simply that in.fer.ti.li.ty hurt feeling that gets to me sometimes despite my hard efforts to push it away, because, I already have so much….. -REALLY -...but even though my brain understands it pretty well, my heart just shrinks every now and then.

....It is just the beginning

I just came back from vacation, much needed vacation!!!!.... We had a great time and were able to relax a lot and just enjoy ourselves.

We have an appointment with my OB this coming Wednesday afternoon. We will discuss the plan and some questions we have about it.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this entire situation, it is difficult. I want so much to give a sibling to our daughter but then I am scared, I am scared of the emotional toll to be paid if things don’t turn out or, turn out and then go wrong….. I feel that I have already gotten so much with our daughter that wanting more is being greedy, but on the other hand I am pretty sure that if I just don´t do anything I will regret later on and I will carry on my mind the “What if I have had tried….” question forever.

….and this is just the beginning, let´s pray each day brings new joy, happiness and renewed hope as the one I found today in Kathy's blog….

Dear Kathy, you are truly an inspiration. I can´t wait to hear more about this new chapter in your life. It will certainly be something to look forward in this coming 8 months!