Thursday, November 8, 2007

Acceptance...

I haven’t been updating much because as stupid and silly as it may sound I am still cautiously reserving myself from attaching too much to all this….
I feel grateful each day, as I feel one day closer, but the reality is that in the back of my heart and my mind there is also this “something can still go wrong” thinking and I am not sure if it will ever go away.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel calm and I am, I believe I can’t worry and trust God at the same time, so as I have said before, I am taking each day at a time. Enjoying the present with hope for the future but without letting myself get too excited…. if that makes any sense!!!

It is weird, and I hadn’t comment about it before, but I was reading another blog and it rang my bell because I felt the same way. When I was dx with P..O..F.. I was told that my chances of getting pregnant naturally were not impossible but very very close to, and that my only treatment option was I..V..F.. using d.o.n.o.r e.g.g.s…. Then I started to cycle on my own again and our hope got a slight of a better view just to discover that the T’s S.A. was not good… It was a tough time and it took me a while to “digest it”.

I felt sad but knew I had a lot of things to be grateful for, so I tried to focus on those things and I prayed, and prayed and prayed just to have the strength to overcome whatever was planned for me. There is a very common “prayer” said during @lcoholics @nonymous sessions that I like and it has to do with all this. I will try to translate and share:

God, please grant me serenity to accept those things that I can’t change,
Courage to change those that I can,
And wisdom to recognize the difference.

As each day went by I felt better and realized that in order to bring someone else into my life I first needed to be at peace with myself, so I was working hard on that one!!!…

It is odd, but as the time passed I felt even better and in August it came to a point in which I accepted that having my own child was something that may never happen for us and that I wasn’t going to let that fact take over my life and my feelings. I knew we could find a way to deal with it…. Much to my surprise, August was our lucky month!!!… Did it had something to do with my acceptance???… I don’t know, but I do know that the timing do make a match.

I hope you all have a great day!!!

4 comments:

Kathy said...

I know what you mean about having trouble believing at times that this is really happening and wondering when and if something will go wrong... I think you have a great attitude about it and things like the Serenity Prayer do always help me get perspective too. I am so glad that thing continue to go well for both of us and do wonder how much, if at all, both of our coming to acceptance that we might never get pregnant, as we'd hoped and prayed to, led to our both actually getting pregnant?! Anyway, I think your feeling are normal and with each day that our babies continue to grow, we are one day closer to meeting/holding them! Hang in there and congrats again! :)

Princess Peach said...

I understand how you feel - I often get that same doomed feeling.

I guess I realized that regardless of these feelings I need to maintain a positive attitude and it has helped me a great deal. I am now enjoying my pregnancy but I had to convince myself!

ultimatejourney said...

I hope all is still going well.

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