I feel grateful each day, as I feel one day closer, but the reality is that in the back of my heart and my mind there is also this “something can still go wrong” thinking and I am not sure if it will ever go away.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel calm and I am, I believe I can’t worry and trust God at the same time, so as I have said before, I am taking each day at a time. Enjoying the present with hope for the future but without letting myself get too excited…. if that makes any sense!!!
It is weird, and I hadn’t comment about it before, but I was reading another blog and it rang my bell because I felt the same way. When I was dx with P..O..F.. I was told that my chances of getting pregnant naturally were not impossible but very very close to, and that my only treatment option was I..V..F.. using d.o.n.o.r e.g.g.s…. Then I started to cycle on my own again and our hope got a slight of a better view just to discover that the T’s S.A. was not good… It was a tough time and it took me a while to “digest it”.
I felt sad but knew I had a lot of things to be grateful for, so I tried to focus on those things and I prayed, and prayed and prayed just to have the strength to overcome whatever was planned for me. There is a very common “prayer” said during @lcoholics @nonymous sessions that I like and it has to do with all this. I will try to translate and share:
God, please grant me serenity to accept those things that I can’t change,
Courage to change those that I can,
And wisdom to recognize the difference.
As each day went by I felt better and realized that in order to bring someone else into my life I first needed to be at peace with myself, so I was working hard on that one!!!…
It is odd, but as the time passed I felt even better and in August it came to a point in which I accepted that having my own child was something that may never happen for us and that I wasn’t going to let that fact take over my life and my feelings. I knew we could find a way to deal with it…. Much to my surprise, August was our lucky month!!!… Did it had something to do with my acceptance???… I don’t know, but I do know that the timing do make a match.
I hope you all have a great day!!!