I guess I should start from the beginning, right???…. Let’s see:
I’ve never been a PMS girl, no cramps, no bloating, no nothing, so every time my period arrives it is just like that, no warning!!!… Since I was off BCP the only thing that I had as a “sign” was spotting. I am a chronic spotter; I spot for as long as 6 days before AF. That’s why I had my progesterone levels checked a few months ago, but they were OK, so the doctor wasn’t concerned about it.
Last Tuesday, the T left and I was 13-14 DPO and I hadn’t started spotting. I really wasn’t excited because even though I usually spot, I have had 1 cycle with no spotting at all, and moreover, when I was Dx with P.O.F it was like that…. My period just didn’t come, not even a single spot. My hormone levels at that time were incredibly out of control and my ovaries were unresponsive, showing a clear pattern of P.O.F…. Yes, I had several tests performed after that and when the results came back the endocrinologist opinion was that the probability of really being P.O.F was very small, very small doesn’t equals impossible, there was always the chance that it really is.
After all, as I stopped cycling just like that, I started to cycle again, on my own. These facts were what the endocrinologist considered when she gave her final opinion. I was relieved but in my mind the very small chance of really being P.O.F was always there, because at the very end, P.O..F is cruel; it can go away many months and then suddenly appear again to stay forever. If you are cycling on your own, each cycle could be your last one!!!… So, as I kept cycling each month, CD1 was always a day full of mixed feelings.
As the days went by this cycle with no spotting my fears set in, I was scared and afraid. I could barely sleep at night, and the few moments I could I had nightmares! During the day I couldn’t concentrate, my productivity was like almost nonexistent! …But there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t talk to the T about it. I knew he had to go to this business trip and I was sure he was not going to leave if he knew about it, and it just has no sense to let this take over our lives, we need to keep going!!!…